kite runner

Last night was kind of sleepless.... i was reading this famous novel The Kite Runner... it was 1:20am, went hardly till 5th chapter and i felt so restless that i threw the novel on the table and went to bed and felt either i will vomit or start crying and after 5 minutes i did started crying... my thoughts were running endless i was trying to stop and sleep but was not able to ......
it started with how things started changing in Afganistan.. how just for the position ppl started using Majahab.... how it affected the mind set of little ones too it forced ppl to leave their own land

and then my thoughts switched to our country my mother land India... arnt we affected isnt like some how we are on the same way atleast there is a whole lot of ppl trying to push it towards the same way.....

and then again my thoughts switched to what our generation is actually doing there is two different set of ppl in our generation, one set is running madly behind making money working like crazy most of the time for some one else that reminded me of one of the old saying
"Zindagi mein shekh kya karunama kar gaye, B.A kiya naukar bane pension mili aur mar gaye"
one the other hand there is 2nd set of ppl who are invloved in crime, terreorrissm, dirty politics, drugs all of them some time missguided and some of the time get involved into knowingly with the desire of power and money...........

But all 2 set of ppl have forgotten something they have forgetten their duty towards their mother land, how much in pain she would have been with all these bomb blasts, with every rape of a girl, with every child becoming orphan, with every mother loosing her son, with every war among her child.
And this again left me with a question Was this for what so many sons of our mother land died fighting for her freedom ... doesn't it looks like a complete waste of their life giving sacrifice for next generation so they can breath the air in an independent India, and it ended up with our people fighting with each other. Just for mere lust for power and position all this is taking place everyone want to be on top but with no duties and no responsibilities.

But then again my thought changed its direction and this time it was directed towards me.... what i am doing for my nation? in which set of people i stand? for sure the 2nd set madly running behind my targets..... crazy behind earning more and more money and then spending it for a comfortable and sumtime even luxurious life style.... staying away from all that can cause me any kind of inconvenience or pain......

Some where i came far away from my dream of doing something for my society for my land, lost in my job, my family, friends.... but i have to go back to my dream, to my land and will have to work for my society.... i felt some where in my heart i was feeling heavy it was even hard to breath i realised my heart is feeling heavy coz it is not able to take the burden of guilt of which i was aware of and now from which i have to come out by not being a coward and face the reality, take the pain for if i dont take it now my soul wont rest in peace and it will be in pain forever.